Let me tell you, when I took my first steps on the streets of Ho Chi Minh City, I swear I could hear the screeching tires of ambulance chasers everywhere. Hell, during rush hour, I didn’t even need to stick a leg out into the street to risk it, the motorbikes came to me! Right there on the sidewalk! You can imagine my excitement. I read before coming that Vietnam experiences 30,000 injuries a year due to motor accidents. I wanted a piece of the action!
The deal was sealed when I went to dinner the other night and had to pay 150,000 for rice and some chicken. For dinner! Everyone around here must be millionaires to afford this. I immediately moved my lawyer’s number up to 2 on my speed dial.
So, after watching some foreigners take it on the chin crossing the street, I quickly put together my 5 step action plan on how to get run over in Vietnam while crossing the street. Here it is:
- Wear black. Jeans and dark rain jackets are best. Avoid reflective surfaces.
- When wading into traffic by foot, walk erratically, stopping and starting rapidly. Reversing direction has been noted as particularly effective.
- Carry a bright flashlight and shine it blindingly at oncoming traffic.
- Scream. Lots of screaming.
- Wave your arms wildly in the air and try to flag every taxi down at once. Lure others to your dangerous cause by throwing money in the air.