Humour: My 5 Step Action Plan for Financial Freedom and Getting Struck by Traffic in Vietnam

Have you ever dreamed of the financial freedom that comes from being hit in a traffic accident and suing the bastard that hit you? I know I sure have! But until recently, my dreams of broken limbs and health insurance fraud seemed so distant. North America was full of cautious drivers, clearly marked roads and well paved surfaces. Getting hit by some inattentive millionaire driving a Mercedes seemed like a mission impossible reserved for Tom Cruise.And then I travelled to Vietnam.

Let me tell you, when I took my first steps on the streets of Ho Chi Minh City, I swear I could hear the screeching tires of ambulance chasers everywhere. Hell, during rush hour, I didn’t even need to stick a leg out into the street to risk it, the motorbikes came to me! Right there on the sidewalk! You can imagine my excitement.  I read before coming that Vietnam experiences 30,000 injuries a year due to motor accidents. I wanted a piece of the action!

The deal was sealed when I went to dinner the other night and had to pay 150,000 for rice and some chicken. For dinner! Everyone around here must be millionaires to afford this. I immediately moved my lawyer’s number up to 2 on my speed dial.

So, after watching some foreigners take it on the chin crossing the street, I quickly put together my 5 step action plan on how to get run over in Vietnam while crossing the street. Here it is:

1. Wear black. Jeans and dark rain jackets are best. Avoid reflective surfaces.
2. When wading into traffic by foot, walk erratically, stopping and starting rapidly. Reversing direction has been noted as particularly effective.
3. Carry a bright flashlight and shine it blindingly at oncoming traffic.
4. Scream. Lots of screaming.
5. Wave your arms wildly in the air and try to flag every taxi down at once. Lure others to your dangerous cause by throwing money in the air.

If all of the above can’t bring bumpers rapidly to your shins, and two wheelers continue to avoid you, there is always a last option.Lay down on the side walk, spread eagle during rush hour and wait for the head trauma to literally come crashing down on you. I can see the dollar signs now.

Tom from [amazon_link id="B001JNNDEW" target="_blank" ]Office Space[/amazon_link]

Until recently, my dream of cashing in through fraudulent traffic accident litigation seemed like a distant one. Thank god for motorcycles and Vietnam. So stop wasting time dancing in the relative safety of the streets of New York City and get serious about your dreams! Get yourself to Vietnam, have ambulance on standby and money at the ready. Lets get crackin!